Day Z – Bloodborne

Welcome to this Day Z review. I just picked up Bloodborne and I’m excited to tell you all about that new game smell and feel

Bloodborne is a game that has sprung from the same mind as Demon’s Soul, Dark Soul and the sequel Dark Souls 2. But also from The Adventures of Cookie & Cream or better known as Kuri Kuri Mix.
I shit you not, look it up, these are sinister minds at work..

Nice title!

The game Dark souls and his brethren are known for their difficulty but that could be discussed.
I say that because you can ask yourself if the core of the game is really that difficult. For me it was the extremely annoying camera system that made this game difficult.

The game Bloodborne looks at first sight like a  somewhat slower Devil May Cry. It has a same sort of baroque/gothic style world.
You wield a melee weapon: a sword, axe or cane (yes, you can beat demons like an old man beats children from his lawn) and you can wield a gun (same old man joke).

You start the game with nothing. You want a tutorial you say?
Well go fuck yourself. The tutorial that you get is a werewolf beating you to a bloody pile of nameless meatloaf one minute into the game. There’s just a few hints scattered on the ground and if you walk over them small demon-like pygmies rise from the ground scaring the shit out of you. They give you a random tutorial like: R1 is attacking, or R3 is targeting/ fixing camera. These “hints” are scattered on the ground in the first two rooms and then you get mauled by the first mob in the game.

You die.

Look what they did to the font.

Title screen.

Wow… that was fast.
Then when you still are baffled, your character wakes up in what looks like a limbo dream world. So… I was supposed to die? Couldn’t they just make a cut scene for this sequence explaining everything instead of making the first minutes disappointing? So I got up and walked up some stairs to a door that would not open.
Alright great! Now I really don’t know what the hell I should do. Then I noticed that those pygmies rising from the ground were also on the stairs and you are supposed to talk to them because they offer you weapons. WHAT THE FUCK. Are you serious.. until now those shriveled nude Yodas only gave the lamest advice in the world. How the hell should I have known they also give me essential game mechanics? So from now on you are being obligated to check all those little assholes. After 5 minutes walking in limbo I figured out you have to use a tombstone to return to the world, to the same place where you died. Yes the werewolf is still there so now you can wail at him with your weapon of choice like a drunk pirate with an inner ear problem. You have no bloody clue what to do.
But I did beat him.


And that encounter is everything you should know about this “difficult” game. They made damn well sure you have no idea what the hell you are doing. It all starts with you buying a copy of the game. Yes I still go to a store and buy a physical disc, because I like the way that it can be placed in a cupboard.
I collect them.

Over the years game cases have been carefully dismantled up to the point it’s only a pamphlet in a blue-ray case and, oh yeah the disc.


My point is:
There is no manual. Yes I know I have internet, but I want a manual. It’s part of the game experience. I am a huge comic fan, and how a comic can suck me into it’s world. The same goes for the manual in a game case. An omen of what is to come, and also a quick reference guide on what the hell that stat means on my screen. Bloodborne will not tell you shit. I can easily figure what vitality or stamina is and even the 1H melee and 2H melee but what the hell does “skill” do, or “arcane”.

Let’s go back to the game. As I struggle yet again with the camera. I get jumped by the second enemy. Hack, hack, I die… Title screen.
Okay, must pay attention. First the werewolf and then a second enemy jumping in 3 2 1. Yes I got him! I Turn around just in time to see an axe greeting my face with overenthusiastic speed. Hack, splatter, I die.. titlescreen.
Jesus! Maybe another weapon…  Nope, stupid mistake, Hack, you die, title screen. Okay that didn’t work either. Wait, I do have a gun! Silly me, I’ll just shoot them, HA I am so smart. Pistol shot, alarm all enemies, hack, hack, dismemberment, I die… Title screen.

By now reading this article you would have noticed that every screenshot is exactly the same. No I did not make a mistake. This is all intentionally, this screen will haunt you till the end of days. It is burned in my retina.

Stop tormenting me!!

I died so many times I lost count. I feel like Bill Murray in groundhog day only with less groundhogs and with more psychotic scarecrow-like straw people.
As If this was the second role in his career after the wizard of Oz. And oh boy is he trying to nail his role. Nail it right into my heart. And every time you die you are greeted by the same title screen and to make sure you really start to hate this game to its core: the loading times are way to long.

I hate this game with every fiber in my being. I played this with co-writer Neltharoin until 3 O’clock into the night. And then we just gave up hope. When I close my eyes I can still hear him crying himself to sleep.

I hate you all… see you in the hangover.

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