The Hangover – Helldivers

Welcome to the second review of Helldivers. This review is to tell you what I feel about this game after a couple of days of playing. Or what we call: The Hangover.

HOLY fucking god! Helldivers, what a game it is.
‘Pure chaos’ is the only description it needs and deserves.

Pure chaos isn’t necessarily a good thing. Yes, the game is great I love the concept, tactical survival shooter and if you follow the rules it is a very entertaining game to play with 3 friends on the couch or online. And if well coordinated it can be very rewarding.

Too bad I don’t have 3 friends with a PS4 or this game. Mind you I am 30, all my friends are or will be fathers and are cleaning diapers as we speak. Their life is already one big hell they don’t need to dive into anything. Except a depression.

HELLDIVERS™_20150326181309That means we (me and girlfriend) are surrendering ourselves to the geniuses of the internet. By the way my girl is loving this game and hijacking my PS4 as we speak. I was planning on playing Bloodborne and write a Day Z about it. Good for her I have the spine of a jelly fish.

Back to Helldivers.

Now that we are being blessed by the grace of the-“I random join your game”-players. The game experience goes downhill.
I understand that with every new game you have a learning curve.
A period were you have more bad players then good ones.
Because players still have to learn the mechanics. That should not last until 8 ranks into the game. If you are rank F’ing 9 and you still fire your shotgun into the back of my head cause in front of me is an enemy, you do not understand this game and should be deported to Mars.

Also it is customary that the host is the leader. Regardless of the rank.
So when a higher ranking player (letsHELLDIVERS™_20150326182049 call him Captain Doubledouche) is joining my game, he should follow me.
Most of the time Doubledouche will land his pod, if I am unlucky directly on my face. Get out of his pod starts yelling commands on his headset, if we are really unlucky in broken french English.
Try to imagine this situation outside of the game.
You sitting on the couch watching TV. Then some old french guy barges into your house to yell at you and tries to change the channels. I mean What the merde.

Meanwhile I try to look on my map where the next objective is.
The map also contains a build-in radar which keeps you informed on the patrolling enemies. The enemies are being displayed as giant red dots. You do not want to walk into those red dots head on. So I plan a route for us to follow. And if we will keep an eye open we wont have to fight anything until our next objective. But Doubledouche has brought a friend, lets call him Triggerhappy. Now when Triggerhappy sees anything that isn’t a player he will shoot it. Even when it isn’t attacking us, hell enemies could walk away from us and he will still shoot them.
By now in this game you would’ve realized that the enemies follow the sandpeople rule, meaning for every enemy you strike down they will always return in greater numbers. It is therefore a better HELLDIVERS™_20150326181927strategy to defend yourself, rather than being the aggressor. So when “following” my carefully planned route results most of the time in me running against the edge of my screen while I see Doubledouche and Triggerhappy die. At least that part is entertaining.
We reach our first objective. Defend a building. Defend means do not shoot building. Surprisingly Doubledouche and Triggerhappy do not have the words “do” or “not” in their dictionary. And the hell-fire missile to kill an enemy standing next to that building was the direct result of poor education. A big red “Objective Failed” is filling my screen.

Alright next objective. Escort some workers to a bunker… and Triggerhappy already killed them by accident. Turns out walking in an exosuit (Giant metal robot) while firing your mini-gun isn’t being translated in “please move to the side worker people, while I shoot those enemies”. They instead respond by bleeding and falling to the ground in pieces.

Some other objectives we manage to do successfully, like standing next to flag and capture it. The whole time you are watching Doubledouche and Triggerhappy see doing stupid things like reloading a midst a group of enemies. And then yell at me for being a noob that I should have saved them. Throwing grenades at you while you are typing in a needed combination of keys to capture or activate a terminal.

And then I realized that Doubledouche and Triggerhappy are theHELLDIVERS™_20150326182100 product of playing bad shooter games for years and years.
In games like call of duty / halo / battlefield. They were programmed to be as bad as a team player they are now. Also in those games it is more important to kill enemies rather than capture objectives. You can still get a lot of points for mindless murder. Which in case of battlefield and call of duty following the “realistic” shooter stereotype,  will result into being court martial-ed and death by firing squad.

In Helldivers you will get no experience points if you do not successfully complete an objective. I get the same amount of points as Triggerhappy. Hell I even made a sport out of it to shoot as little as possible and still end a mission successfully.  So you can make it yourself extremely difficult by shooting at everything you see and therefore alarming and attracting every enemy on the map and more.
They are spawning from an infinite pool of enemies. Literally it will be an endless stream of enemies, faster than you can reload or rearm yourself. Shooting thousands of bullets and kill maybe hundreds of them and after thirty minutes of screaming “fun” you will end the mission and get the same amount of points as me.

HELLDIVERS™_20150326181612My game was sneaking past enemies, doing my objectives with as little resistance as possible. Only engaging the enemy when it was really necessary and when I did engage, it was swift and deadly. Did not give the enemy the time to attract more patrols and in 7 minutes I am done  and en-route to the next mission. Same points more fun.

People need to learn this game fast or quit and go back to the arcade shooters like CoD and battlefield. If not and I fear the worst those people will ruin a perfect set up. Helldivers is a great game while being played the way it was meant to be played and it was meant to be played in a team. So please people be a teamplayer.

That or keep running players over in your MPV while you are trying to figure out the controls and drive yourself into a ravine ending a mission in big red words “You fail at life”.

Hope you enjoyed my piece of Helldivers: The hangover.
Don’t forget to like the article and if you wanna talk against a silent wall, please be so kind to leave a comment.


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